Garbage - Temptation Waits
not sure

I don't know exactly what I want to say.

Life is gonna get really crazy, really soon. It's been insanely hard already - harder than I ever imagined it could be. But I've had some really, truly, uniquely amazing friends to throw me life preservers in this chaotic sea.

I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what the next three months of my life will bring me...all I know is that this summer will be fraught with chaos and uncertainty. And my duty as a priestess is looking me right in the face. I have to go away for a while.

The last month has been hell, and the month before that was ten times worse. I've struggled to keep sight of myself as more and more people around me join "the Cult of Wyatt"....it seems like there's been a resurgence in the veneration of someone that never existed. Only in the last couple of days have I started to see the old Mandy - the Mandy all of you know and love - beginning to return. And I have to be honest....I have a few really amazing, really supportive friends online that only want to see me happy - and I feel the same about them. But being online is a constant reminder of my failures, a constant reminder of what I was and apparently no longer am. Being reminded every day of what I no longer have is too much for me. I need to go away for a while.

I need to focus on my studies and on my quest to become a full-fledged godwoman. I need to focus on the spiritual and get away as much as possible from the technological baubles of Midgard. To do that, I have to forget about this blog. I wasn't sure what purpose I wanted it to serve anyway. My life has changed and my focus has changed. I no longer have need of this blog.

To my friends, though....you all have done so much for me and I'd never abandon you. I'll still read your blogs regularly and I want you all to remember that I'm just an email away, *especially* if you need me. I'm anxious to help all of you as much as you've helped me.

To everyone else....good luck. I'm cheering you on.



Goodbye.


+ Mandy updated @ 11:57 PM

Hedningarna - Skane
tired

Tonight Josie and I went out and held our Midsummer blessing. We went to Strouds originally...and oh my...the woods were so freakin dark under the canopy. The moonlight just bounced off the thick fog and the air was totally thick with spiritual energy. But....I saw a sign that said "park closes at 11" and knowing how much people in Ohio love to try to get people arrested for enjoying the woods whenever they can, Josie and I headed back to campus and hit a park near South Green. Leaving the dark woods and all the land-wights she was hoping to encounter made her really sad.

I learned that if I worry too much, Josie blames herself for too much. We make quite a pair.

Back when I was just a simple kitchen witch, I saw holding the blessings of the year as a chore. I hardly ever did it - I saw no point in it. But now that I'm Heathen and I actually feel a real connection to my religion, I'm starting to see the holding of blessings as pretty necessary. Especially after tonight...wow. I watched Josie walk out of that grove totally energized - she was like "wanna run?" and took off down by the old riverbed someplace. I just kind of followed her, lost in a happy trance of my own. I felt connection with the divine...and I felt love. Powerful love. It was amazing. I'm so happy I found a niche of my own....


+ Mandy updated @ 5:26 AM

Sarah McLachlan - Adia
awake and not much else

It's kinda been a decisive few days....

As many of you probably know, Nicole lost her job. Yep, it's official. Our lease ends here at Riverbog at the end of this month and we're going back to stay at her place. I promised her I'd stick it out with her and that's what I'm gonna try to do. What about me, you ask? I won't lie, it's gonna be tough. Josie healed me again last night and she said that my couple of days at Nicole's parents added a lot of negativity that wasn't there before I left. I made it a point to mention that I was trans again to Nicole's mom and I think she may finally be starting to get the hint...maybe. We'll see. Anyway, it's gonna be worth it because Nicole found us a kinda nice place in Columbus that's really cheap. It's near Easton mall - and near Rameana and Lindsey. If we could find jobs in Columbus - which is much easier, of course, than finding them in Athens - we'd be all set!

Josie's here for another week. Her plane leaves out next Friday so I've at least got that long with her. She can do amazing things...especially if you're hurt or afraid or weak. She has some of the most positive and nurturing energy I've ever felt. We'll be celebrating Midsummer this coming week - I guess just the two of us - although anyone is welcome to join us. I'd like to light a bonfire and have a maypole - since those things are kinda, ya know, tradition, but we'll have to make do with what we've got...instead of a kindred, we've got two Heathens, instead of a bonfire we'll have portable food, and instead of a maypole we'll have....um....well maybe we can still make a wreath of branches or something. My ideal Midsummer would be a big bonfire, lots of Heathens/eclectic Pagans, a big ass cookout, a stereo, and lots and lots of mead...or other booze. That's what Midsummer is all about, after all - it's a celebration. (Hint: if Jakob and Danielle are still reading this blog, you wanna get together with us?)

I think that's all I've got. And, um....I'm officially writing a book. About Freya. I just need to do an assload more research about her following up to the late Viking Age....can anyone recommend any good books?


+ Mandy updated @ 3:47 PM