Pearl Jam - Once
disgusted

When I was first convinced to take up cosplay as a hobby, the impression I got from Nicole about conventions - and cosplay itself - was that it was a hobby embraced mostly by fairly open minded, unprejudiced people. My experience with cosplay, and especially ColossalCon this past weekend, has led me to draw my own conclusions...conclusions that couldn't be farther from that old assumption.

Instead of attracting more open minded, intelligent people, cosplay tends to attract socially inept and completely gendered people - people that are as gendered as any good old Bush-supporting American institution.

But...this weekend has also taught me much, much more. It has showed me the meaning of friendship, it has bonded me to my friends in a way I never thought possible, and it has showed me things about my religion and about my own femininity.

I'll just get off my soapbox and tell you the story.

Friday

Nicole and I left her house sometime around five AM. We got to Columbus and met Rameana really early, and by nine o' clock we had already grabbed Lindsey and were on our way to Detroit to pick up Loki. The air was thick with humidity, and I was in the black Gothic Lolita dress I'd borrowed from Nicole for my dark Chii cosplay. Other than Nicole, everyone else was in street clothes. After a few hours, we grabbed Loki and were on our way to Cleveland. After what seemed like hours upon hours, we finally made it to our hotel. Rameana's mom had reserved the room for us and had already checked us in. Lindsey, Loki, and Rameana put on their costumes, and after another few hours, we were downstairs at the convention. Later that night, I found myself doing tarot readings for random people. One was a really sweet girl named Jessica (also cosplaying Chii) who told me I made a beautiful dark Chii. Another was some socially inept fuckhead who asked me if I was "high on goofballs" after giving him a reading. I didn't say another word to him...I just returned to my friends. I tried to make fun of him about it by asking him the same thing a few minutes later when he was talking to my friends...but that only got him started on bragging about finishing his masters. All of us spent about a half hour making fun of the twit after he left. I met yet another really pretty blonde girl that was cosplaying Chii, and the girl that I'm guessing was her sister kept asking for pictures with both of us. Friday wasn't so bad.

Saturday

It was time for our Inuyasha cosplay. I knew as I looked at myself before I left the room that I not only looked terrible but that it might be a nasty day. It was.

Lots of people wanted pictures of us, but sometime in the afternoon a girl and a guy approached us asking for pictures. We agreed and the guy left, but the girl stayed. And she stared at me. Hard.

"You're a guy!" she finally proclaimed, pointing at me.
"Uh, I am?" I replied. "Wow, that's news!" *grinning at her sarcastically for a moment* "actually, I'm not. I'm a girl."
"No you're not!"
My face darkened. "Uh...yeah. I am."
Nicole, who was sitting on the arm of my chair, started looking uncomfortably at the floor. My friends grew silent.
"But..." she said, pointing at her jawline and chin.
I sighed. "yeah, some chicks have shadow. Deal with it." I didn't think it was *that* pronounced!
She stared hard at me, skeptically.
"Lift up your chin!"
I stared at her like she'd just asked me to lift up my skirt, and I started to lift my chin when my friend Anne stepped in.
"Yeah, I've got some too." she said, lifting her chin and brushing her finger across it. "You wanna see?"
I apologized again to her for being a girl and went back to looking at something, trying to ignore her. She stayed. And stared. I looked back up a second later and noticed she was still there, staring. She reached out her hand to touch my face. I jerked my head away.
"Don't touch me!" I said. "You're being *really* rude," I said. She still stared.
"Yeah, you really are being rude," Nicole asserted. "I think you should go."
After staring at me almost sadly for a second, she walked over to Lindsey, who was sitting beside Nicole. I didn't hear this part of the conversation, except for what Lindsey said.
"Yes, she's a girl." Lindsey said as if she was explaining it to a four year old. "I went to high school with her. I've known her for six years. She's. A. Girl."
Idiot walked back over to me and said "So you're really a girl?"
"Uh, yeah!" I said to her, my eyes growing dangerous. "Seriously! The nerve! I've never fucking been harrassed like this in my life!"
"I think it's time for you to go," Lindsey said.
Nicole nodded her agreement. "Yeah. This is pretty ridiculous. I think you should go."
Idiot looked to me. "You want me to give you a hug?"
"No!" I said angrily. "I want you to get the fuck away from me!"
She looked at me like I'd just stabbed her and finally she walked away.

This is when I realized that this convention was filled with mini Jessicas.

Throughout the course of the next couple hours, she sent little scouts over under the pretense of complimenting us when all they came for was to look at me. Nicole went to go get some ramen and I approached her and asked her to delete my photo from her digital camera. She looked like she almost had tears in her eyes as she stared at me for what must have been a solid ten seconds.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes. Please delete it."
She did, and I thanked her and walked away.

Rameana, Mallory, and a few of my other cosplay friends, after hearing about the incident, said they wished they'd been there.

Later, after Rameana and I went to get booze and I got changed back into dark Chii for the dance, I was heckled again. Twice. It wasn't as bad, but still...the first was a younger chubby girl that came up to me and said "How long did it take me to realize you were a guy? Are these real?" she stuck her finger in my boob.
"Yes, they're real, and I'm not a guy," I said with a really ominous tone in my voice.
"Yeah, that's not a guy," Rameana asserted.
"Oh my god!! I'm so, SO sorry!!!" She quickly hugged me before I could protest. "There were a few guys walking around in skirts earlier and it's getting really really hard to tell, even with a lot of girls." I forgave her. She was nice. The next bitch didn't get off so easily. This fat thing with a thin moustache came up to me.
"So...guy or girl?"
I looked down at my long black Gothic Lolita dress, my boobs, and my strappy heels. "I'm a girl," I said insultingly.
"Oh. Okay. See, we were thinking guy, but..."
"Yeah, well, I may not be the prettiest girl in the world, but I'm sure a damn sight more girly looking than most of the women I've seen around here."
She turned and walked away. Eat that shit.

It wasn't all bad. This one guy came up to me and said "you know who you remind me of?"
I looked at him suspiciously, preparing myself for combat. "Who's that?"
"Helena. Have you ever seen that video of her..." and he went on to describe it. I thanked him, cautious relief flowing over me, as he walked away. And I really liked little Jessica and the nameless other Chii and her sister. There were some really nice people and I was really happy to meet them. I almost forgot how much I love meeting people.

Sunday

I looked bad. We sat around and didn't do much but I *did* get a chance to go out and eat with Tracy, Kim, Manda, her boyfriend Jason, and Bobbi. I really loved seeing everyone again. Bobbi is a sweetheart and I enjoyed getting to know some other people at the edge of our circle better. A bunch of us chicks are doing a cosplay of the pirates from Guilty Gear for Sugoicon in November.

But after that, I'm thinking of hanging it up. I don't think cosplay is meant for me. I don't look like Lindsay Lohan - I'm not the perfect example of complete beauty - so cosplay is gonna be hostile to me. I'm not sure I'm gonna drop it as a hobby, but I'm seriously considering it.

But my friends...oh my gods. I'm really lucky. I've met some of the best friends I've ever had online and they've come to my rescue recently. And my cosplay friends rock too...Nicole and Lindsey and Rameana came to my rescue at the con when people gave me shit. They inspired my loyalty and a serious oath of friendship. I love you guys.

I'm looking at the photos Lindsey and Mallory took from this weekend, and I really don't get it. I don't look that bad at all. I really don't. Maybe I'm giving myself too much credit, but...here, you can look for yourself.

Lindsey as Shippo, Rameana as Koga, me as Kagome, and Nicole as Inuyasha
This freakin fancy ass McDonalds we went to

pictures courtesy of Lindsey

Sure, I don't look my best, but I mean come on! I'm not intolerably ugly, I'm not hopelessly masculine, and I'm a damn sight prettier than at least a few girls at that con.

Urgh. I'm glad to be home. Josie gave me a nice warm hug when I came in and everything was better.

Rameana and I have a freakin monopoly on inside jokes. We're gonna make sure to wear our hospital gowns to the next rave we go to.

Thank you Lindsey. Thank you Rameana. Thank you Nicole. And thanks to all my other cosplay friends that at took up for me. Oh, and Lindsey...thanks for the Hall Cosplay Award too. *mwah* You rock!




+ Mandy updated @ 9:12 PM